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When life hurts

October 27, 2011

As many of you already know, due to a terrible tax bill I had last week, I’m selling the 80% of my doll collection. I’m keeping only my MiniG, my Goldie, Sara’s Icy custom and my Middie.Probably I will take my Aztec too as I really can’t let her go.I’ve sold my only Odeco too, almost all my Japanese dolls (except Wataru and a little one who remembers me too much about a lost friend).I’m selling 3 frogs on the  4 I have and 2 witches on 3.
Selling one or two dolls has never bothered me too much, they probably weren’t bonding with me much but, as long as I’ve never felt comfortable with having a big collection, I was very fine lately with my small one.All of them were precious to me and with a great personality. Giving them away all at once is really heartbreaking, is like you’re giving away a part of yourself, the most naive and childish one, like one doll alone is only a doll but all together they speak about who you are inside, a part you don’t often show out, because you’re an adult.It has been like a sad goodbye to the carefree part of me.I’ve spent saturday night crying in my bed for this.I’m not able to look at my doll’s shelf from last week.I don’t want to look at them, remembering how I love each of them.Seeing them all in a row, waiting to be shipped.Really I’ve never realized how important they are for me.
The hardest part is I won’t be able to pay my debts at all with this sale, they will only soften a bit the situation for the first months. You all know me for being a smiling person, well I’m not these days.I can’t sleep and I’m very worried and feel a loser,worried for my future and my son.For those who can’t understand why I had this big expense, they were all old taxes I wasn’t ABLE to pay two years ago+ all the increases for not paying at the right time.Taxes in Italy if you are a small free lance like me and you can’t dicharge many expense ( I mean for example a studio rent or employees ), the perchentage goes up to the 57% of your gain.Which is quite ok if you gain a lot but not if you gain as little as I do and everybody pays you very in late and more with the money that’s left you have to pay all the expenses like car, job travels etc.
So I couldn’t pay taxes at that time because if I would have do it I wouldn’t had money to survive, me and my family.People like me or like my boyfriend or a lot of others I know, who have always worked hard in a period when unfortunately everybody is left at home from a job or can’t find one, well as I was saying, these people are actually taking LOANS from the bank to being able to pay taxes! Can you believe it?That’s what is actually happening in Italy.And if the bank doesn’t allow you to have a loan because maybe you haven’t anything like a house or other guarantees, you will live your life like a tax evader (even if you  are not as you’ve declared all!), feeling guilty and frustrated even if you would be an honest person.
I’m really exausted to have these problems from years while at the same time having a great curriculum and references.

…please forgive my vent.
I’ve received fantastic mails, text messages etc from people supporting me, telling me about their own personal problems, wishing my luck and courage.Asking me what they could do for me, spending too kind words about me.
Really THANKS for all you’ve wrote me.Even if I didn’t always replied (sorry I’m not exactly myself, lately) I’ve apreciated every bit. And as I couldn’t let my parents know about this situation (they’re not rich and I don’t want them to worry in their elder age), it was so wonderful to have such a big amount of friends cheering me up.
I’m selling my dolls this week as I’ve mentioned before, I’m doing the same for Sundries soon and then some special item/limited BC could pop up on ebay.
I was very unsure if still going to Paris Dollshow in december but, as I will pay my flight with a free Alitalia ticket I had to spend within 2011 and the flat rent was offered by some wonderful friends, I think I’m still going, seeing my doll friends would help for sure.
Thank you so much for having done so much for me, you’ve been all so precious and feeling myself surrounded from all this sincere love has really surprised and helped me.
I hope I’ll be to be able to give back all this.
Grazie.

Gaia*

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. October 27, 2011 5:24 pm

    *big big hugs*!!!

  2. Abigail permalink
    October 27, 2011 5:30 pm

    The biggest kiss and hug ever x

  3. Paula permalink
    November 1, 2011 12:33 am

    Oh, Gaia, I am so sorry for everything you’re going through! Some of my Italian friends once told me that if Italians actually paid all the taxes they were supposed to, that it would be more than 100% of their income. 😦 Fammi sapere se c’e` qualcosa che posso fare per aiutare la tua situazione. Tanti abbracci!!!!!

  4. November 4, 2011 2:54 am

    Oh Gaia,
    I trust that things will work out for you!
    you have your health, your wonderful son, family and your friends are near!
    very near!
    you have given to the community and will continue to do so undeniably.. it’s our to turn to give a little! just a little ;o) “what goes around… comes around”
    *Hugs* to you
    Judy/googoojue

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